My Dog is Better Than Your Dog
I know you’ll say this is thoroughly obnoxious, but I’ve got a strong marketing point, so please hear me out…
MY DOG IS BETTER THAN YOUR DOG! (Really he is)
In his eleven and 1/2 years on this planet…
- He’s kept me company while climbing the highest mountains…
- He’s been by my side in the depths of anxiety and financial despair…
- He’s never even considered biting anyone (not sure he knows how)…
- He’s brought suicidal teenagers (and their moms) out of their deepest depression by doing nothing more than “knocking” on my office door and cuddling up to their knees…
- He’s learned to open doorknobs…
- He’s completely overcome his separation anxiety…
- He’s taught me (and countless others) how to smile in a whole new way…
- He’s kept me warm when the heat failed in January in New Hampshire…
- He’s sniffed out a fire before it started…
- He’s accepted a younger brother without fuss (well, OK, without too much fuss)…
- He’s helped me get to sleep many nights when Sharon was traveling…
- He’s made me tens of thousands of dollars by letting me feature his picture in various specials and internet offers…
- He survived Lyme disease (just like me)…
- And he’s still going strong after 11 1/2 years. (I just don’t know what I’m going to do when it’s his time to pass)
When people meet my dog they say “now THAT is a good dog!”, and they really mean it. Some people have even commented “The only way you get such a good dog is by pouring all your love into him!” (And they’re mostly right)
See? My dog really IS better than your dog!
“HOW DARE YOU!”, you say?
“That’s just bragging, and bragging doesn’t work in life or in marketing”
“Dan Kennedy says ‘let them say it for you’” (don’t say it yourself).
But he’s only half right…
Because if you don’t 100% believe your dog (project, business, offer, etc) is far and away better than anything and everything else out there, you’re NEVER going to get people telling you it is.
The love, enthusiasm, passion, and heartfelt 150% commitment to (and belief in) your project MUST come from you first and foremost.. to the point that you almost can’t help bragging about it, or else nobody’s gonna “feel” it or “say it for you”, despite all the best testimonial collection techniques in the world, despite all the fancy technology which gets videos on your screen for pennies, and despite all the marketing books, courses, and seminars you’ve paid for.
You’ve got to KNOW in your heart of hearts that you’ve done more work than anyone else in the market, to understand the market better than anyone else, and deliver a benefit nobody else can (or will) deliver.
If you’re not willing to get out there and tell everyone how much better your dog is than theirs… why should anyone buy it?
So, how good is your dog?
(Go on, tell me, I really want to know!)
Dr. G 
www.HyperResponsiveMarketingSecrets.com
PS – In the near future, I’m seriously considering “going dark” for two years to concentrate on serving the mental health community with my marketing skills. (I’m getting older and feel a need to make more of a contribution… plus frankly, I spend way too much time TEACHING and not nearly enough time DOING these days… it’s becoming a little bit of a burden). Not saying 100% yet this is what I’m doing, but if and when I do I’ll be taking my products off the market and only existing customers will be able to access them… so consider this fair notice. (To head off concerns, existing coaching clients needn’t worry)
My Deepest, Darkest Secret
I really shouldn’t tell you this…
Every fiber in my being tells me it’s wrong…
It shouldn’t be like this…
I shouldn’t behave like this as a professional marketer, psychologist, and family man…
And I know many of you will drop me down several levels of respect when I reveal it…
Because there are some things we shouldn’t do as marketers (human beings!) no matter what the rewards…
But I’ve got ONE deep, dark secret which I’ve been holding way too long and it’s killing me…
So I weighed the options, considered the consequences, and have decided I’m ready to reveal the truth.
And the truth is (I totally can’t believe I’m going to say this)…
I LIKE “SOUTH PARK”
There.
It’s out.
The shameful truth… I’m so embarrassed.
It started about 10 years ago when I had an 11 year old patient who started talking about the show, and I needed to tune into what he was saying. (At the time, I had to watch LOTS of adolescent shows and listen to adolescent music to stay “hip” and able to connect with the kids)
And, what can I say, it got me…
I would feel a sense of inner disgust (even if you love it, you’ve gotta admit, it’s totally gross and “wrong”), but was simultaneously glued to the screen, then finally laughing my a__ off… all by myself while my wife left the room.
I knew I was hooked when I kept watching even after I had retired from my psychology practice. ”Just one more show” I’d say to myself.
So there you have it.
Someone you might think is perfectly respectable, a pillar of the community, known to rock a room with a suit and tie and a highly intellectual marketing speech, secretly and maniacally laughing at an adolescent TV show any chance he can get.
Why am I telling you this?
Because if I were in your target market and you didn’t know my deepest, darkest secret, you’d be missing out on a whole set of metaphors and stories to use to connect with me.
And you know what?
MOST marketers do NOT know their market’s deepest, darkest secrets. Most marketers barely know their market’s demographics (and are stumped when I ask them the difference between the demographics of their prospects and the demographics of their buying audience)
Getting at the market’s deepest, darkest secrets is at the core of effective emotional marketing.
To do it, you’ve gotta know how to interview people in a group to get them sharing, and make it socially acceptable to share things which they think are evil.
OH… and you’ve got to be comfortable with your OWN deepest, darkest secrets as well, or else you’ll prevent your audience from sharing theirs with you!
In a few weeks I’m going to be launching a very low end monthly webinar all about emotional marketing… I hope you’ll watch for it and join us. (I’m going to price it at a no-brainer level at first, maybe even as low as $17/mo, because in assessing what people really still need who’ve been through my systems, it’s this kind of personal experience in critiquing sites from an emotional perspective, finding emotional hot buttons, and translating them into the right consumer language and imagery to drive purchase)
Keep your eyes out.
Dr. G
PS – “OMG, they killed Kenny!”
Hyper Responsive Club | Total Conversion Code | Emotional Interviewing Service | Coaching | Hourly Consults
I Gained 8 Pounds on Sunday
I gained EIGHT pounds on Sunday.
It’s true.
Saturday morning I weighed 222…but on Sunday morning the scale said 230.
As in “Holy Cheese Balls Batman… that’s 8 pounds in one day!”
I turned to Sharon and said “If this keeps up, by Friday I’m going to weigh 300 pounds.
We quickly went through possible causes…
Did you move the scale dial? No, definitely not.
Was the salad dressing last night inordinately salty? Nope… went downstairs and checked it. 190 mg per tablespoon, and I only had three at best.
Did I eat more than I thought?
Well, to gain eight pounds I’d have to eat like 27,000 calories more, right?
But no… when I added up the day it was about 3,000 calories, which is pretty tame for a day when I lift weights and walk six miles.
Was there some kind of a solar flare that impacted how much everyone weighs in the area? No… none of my friends or colleagues reported any similar abnormalities on their scales.
Maybe someone altered the gravitational field in my bathroom, or injected me with a strange serum which drastically altered my molecular density?
I suppose anything’s possible (I love “The Fringe” TV show, don’t you?)…
But the bottom line is, no matter how many times I got on the damn scale it said 230, and that was 8 pounds more than 24 hours previous.
I was freaked out.
And the more Sharon told me not to freak out, the more freaked out I felt. (If you’ve ever been heavy, you know the feeling)
Did I have some strange new disease?
Well…
Fast forward to Sunday evening I weighed 226…
And Monday morning I was right back at 222 (or… technically 221 if I leaned just the right way).
I didn’t do anything special to get the weight off. I ate normally, had a reasonably sedentary Sunday,
And I’ve got NO explanation for it… and probably never will.
Which brings me to my marketing point…
There are some numbers you’re really not supposed to watch daily…
There’s just too much noise in the data…
And staying glued compulsively to your computer screen while they go up and down is a great way to make yourself crazy. Seriously.
Which is why I’m a big proponent of figuring out the “statistically stable cycle” in your market for impressions, clicks, opt ins, and sales.
Every market is different.
There are some where the traffic comes screaming in so fast it makes your head spin…But try and run an A-B test in 24 hours and you’ll find that (even though the statisticians will tell you the results are significant at the 99.999% confidence level) the big winner on Monday is a big loser on Tuesday.
WAY too much noise in 24 hours.
Or a common rookie mistake is to get extremely excited when a bunch of sales come in one day, and then suicidal the next day when there’s none.
That’s a manic depressive way to live.
Get to know your market better and you’ll come to take it in stride (look at monthly reports, moving averages, etc)
We all got into this internet marketing thing to drive a more SANE lifestyle right?
Something it’s all too easy to forget.
Now who wants to write an ebook about my new “Lose 8 pounds in 24 hours” diet?
Dr. G
PS – The Club
Intellectual Property Rights
Probably about once a quarter I find some website trying to organize a “group buy” of one of my high end products. There’s usually a thread in some forum where people are praising my work, and essentially making plans to buy the product, copy it 25 or 30 times, and distribute the copies…
In other words, a conspiracy to commit copyright infringement.
Now, I know none of you loyal readers would EVER do that, but I thought I’d use the situation to point out something interesting…
Namely this…
It’s always curious to me that people who want to learn how to sell information over the internet (in order to be compensated for their knowledge and contributions), don’t think twice about cheating existing, proven, valuable contributors.
If they wanted to live in a world where people don’t respect intellectual property rights, then how could they ever hope to build an internet business?
Some people might say “Oh Glenn, c’mon, like you never copied a product before you got ‘big’?”
I won’t say I was never tempted, or that I’ve lived a 100% perfect life, but yes, I made a decision to NEVER copy products (or songs) which were obviously for sale many, many years before I “made it”, had money, or was well known in the slightest… in fact, while I was on the verge of bankruptcy.
Why?
Because I believe property rights are not only the foundation of internet business, they’re the foundation of civilization as a whole. And the degradation of conscience begins with little crimes, not big ones.
Moreover, my dream was to sell my knowledge. I wanted to believe my knowledge was valuable… how could I ever achieve that if I treated other’s valuable knowledge as nothing more than shoplifting fodder? (And actually, something which rises to the level of a felony when you’re talking about higher priced products)
In the past, I’ve let this type of theft go as it seemed to only drain a very small percentage of my profits, and such website owners usually take steps to protect themselves from prosecution (not steps which make the theft any less illegal, just steps which make it more difficult to prosecute).
I also reasoned to myself that the people who would resort to copying and stealing the products must not have very much in their lives, probably wouldn’t succeed given the above reasons, and were their own worst punishment. (Same for those who buy products at the outset with the intention of refunding by the way)
But more recently I’ve had several important changes of heart due to the following:
- First, my programs are always reasonably priced, with installments available, and always come with guarantees I honor.
- I provide at least as much valuable, free information as anyone else online (I’m told I might provide the most, but I know of no objective measure!)
- It’s occurred to me that the sites which support this kind of organized shoplifting are actually CULTIVATING criminal minds. Many of the people who participate in these forums might never have had the idea of stealing if it weren’t for the site’s organized “group buys”, and the attractive manner in which they present them.
Moreover, I think in part it’s just a matter of having the “shop owner’s pride” to stand up for myself and say “Listen, if you believe in me, do business with me ethically. If you don’t, then take your business elsewhere. And if you really can’t afford my higher end products, start with my free materials and work your way up.”
I’m really curious what you all think?
How do YOU deal with intellectual property theft in your own businesses?
Let me know OK?
G
My Favorite Motivational Video (Ever)
Whenever I feel a little stuck in my business or my life, I watch this video to be sure I’m not doing what this guy did, review my plans, and move on with inspiration (seriously). Thanks to Bryan Todd for sharing it with me last year!
PS – In my opinion, anyone spending more than $1,500/mo in AdWords should at some point have Bryan review their campaigns. Perry Marshall himself suggests there are many things Bryan knows about AdWords that Perry does not. Here’s my sneaky affiliate link for the consultation with Bryan Todd. Oh, and just in case you’ve never heard it, here’s a link to a very revealing interview I did with Bryan a few years back about what distinguishes the winners from those who continue to flop and flounder in Adwords
Bing Quality Score Best Practices
Hey, guess what PPC fans?
Now there’s TWO quality scores to contend with… oh joy oh joy!!!
Even better, there are NEW CHANGES to MSN’s quality score which are about to rock your world.
Never fear, Nicole Mennicke from Rocket Clicks to the rescue.
Below you’ll find a SHORT MP3 and MSN Quality Score Cheat Sheet .
(Don’t ever say I didn’t give you nothin’)
Dr. G
RocketClicks PPC Management | Do It Yourself | Coaching | Total Conversion Code | Choosing Profitable Markets
I Am Human Bug Meat
My 5 Most Important Warnings for Internet Marketers:
I got ALL these bites in LITERALLY under six minutes
(That’s gotta be a new world’s record… someone call Guinness!)
OK, so Wednesday morning I woke up with nice, clean arms.
True, I was whiter than the Pillsbury Doughboy and the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man combined, but I didn’t have even a single bite.
Then Sharon called to say she had to work late, and so I got it into my head to hike the Caps Ridge Trail up Mt. Jefferson… a stunning 5,000 footer in the White Mountains. (It stays light until 9 pm now up here… it’s like getting two days in one!)
I also thought “it’s so hot out, even though I never hike in short sleeves, today’s the day” (In the 90s this week… a rarity for New Hampshire, where our state motto is “Live, Freeze, and Die”)
So off I went… two hours in the car, 4 litres of Fiji Water in my back pack (always gotta be Fiji!), my boots, poles, short sleeves, and big bottle of sun block to keep me nice and white. (Because I don’t tan, I burn)
When I got there, Jefferson Notch Road was CLOSED. (The 7 mile dirt road which leads to the trail)
But there’s just something about the 4,000 footers in the Whites that calls to me…
So I decided to tackle Mt. Hale instead, because the trailhead is only 15 minutes away, and it’s another mountain I’d been wanting to knock off my list.
What I FORGOT was you absolutely do NOT want to hike near a shallow stream or still water in June unless you enjoy feeding the gnats and mosquitoes…
The trail head was more buggy than usual, but I blew it off thinking that I wouldn’t notice it once I got moving.
About half way up the trail I ran into a guy who said “it’s unbelievably buggy on top, not sure I’d continue if I were you”.
But I dismissed this warning too, thinking “he’s just an inexperienced hiker… kind of a wuss”. (Yeah… like real men are supposed to wear bee hives as lampshades at parties, right?)
So I continued on up to the top.
At the summit I thought “this isn’t so bad”, so I took off my pack, took out my sardines and rice (a guy’s gotta eat), and prepared to enjoy a meal.
Well…
You know how people tend to say “there were a thousand bugs after me”… and you take it figuratively, meaning “there were a LOT of bugs”
I’m NOT talking figuratively.
I’m being LITERAL.
At least 1,000 bugs came swarming.
I’ve never seen anything like it…
It was like being in a horror movie (remember the scene in “Wilbur” with the rats?)
I couldn’t get my pack on quick enough…
And run for my life.
I’ll never forget it.
Well…
The bugs did NOT follow me off the summit. I really don’t know why… maybe there was some electromagnetic force which kept them up there, maybe they were “defending their turf” and were just happy when I left, but for whatever reason I was free of them within 50 yards.
And the trip down was relatively uneventful, except for a nice 70 year old man who turned out to be a psychotherapist, horribly lost in the woods. (I took him back down with me and gave him a ride to HIS trailhead… we head-shrinkers have got to stick together!)
So why did I tell you this story?
Because when you want something bad enough–a business goal for instance–sometimes you’ll ignore repeated, obvious, strong warnings in pursuit of it.
Granted, persistence is a necessary character trait for entrepreneurial success, and if it weren’t for hard-headed, stubborn business people innovation would never occur.
But on the other hand, there ARE paths that don’t need to be retread, problems that don’t need to be repeated.
Here are a five I’ve seen literally hundreds of times in the course of dealing with coaching students, customers, and peers:
- GET THE MATH RIGHT!: If there’s one mistake which kills marketing projects way over and above all others it’s this one. In fact, I’m going to coin a new quote right here and now “the stronger the dream, the weaker your math ability”. I’ve seen hundreds of coaching students, Glenn Club members, clients, friends, and peers plunge straight on to their “deaths” all the while completely convinced their dream MUST catch on. Really… ask yourself how much (specifically) you’re planning to make when the business model is mature, estimate your cost per visitor, cost per lead, cost per sale, refund rate, customer service costs, chargebacks, lifetime customer value, available traffic, etc. and put it all in a big spreadsheet. Do it NOW while you’re thinking about it, before your dreaming brain takes over and tells you “I think it’s gonna be OK because you’re such a great marketer”, or because the product idea is so cool, or because nobody else is doing it. If you don’t have math on your side, you don’t have ANYTHING.
- DON’T ASSUME YOU CAN TRANSFER A JOINT VENTURE MARKETING SUCCESS INTO PAID ADVERTISING CHANNELS: Joint Ventures carry two very, very powerful advantages which disappear when you move to paid traffic (1) the endorsement of someone with a relationship with their list and (2) the relative absence of competition at the moment of contact (in contrast to PPC, for example, when there are 20 other vendors on the page competing for your prospect’s attention). Most successful JV projects I’ve seen were limited to JV traffic (and possibly SEO). On the other hand, you CAN and usually should pursue joint ventures in the opposite direction… if something is profitable in paid media, there’s probably a lot of money on the table to be picked up by working with your competitors.
- DO RESOURCE PLANNING BEFORE YOU LAUNCH: You’ve probably heard me say this before… In internet marketing, “the name of the game is staying in the game until you win the game”. Most people crap out of the game not so much because they can’t manage Google, or don’t know how to advertise, or have a bad product, or aren’t making any sales… most people crap out of the game too soon because they run out of resources. What resources? (a) Money; (b) Time; (c) Passion for the Project; (d) Moral Support. (In the How To Choose Profitable Markets system Terry and I spent quite some time making the point that your very market choice should be determined by your resources, and provide a spreadsheet/blueprint to help)
- DO YOUR FRICKING RESEARCH: Most of you know I used to get paid between $100,000 and $500,000 to do marketing research for large companies. What you don’t know is that the way the internet has evolved, there are now literally dozens of ways to get the same information for free. Someone could make a business out of just compiling consumer language from the buyer reviews on Amazon.com alone… it’s absolutely amazing! There’s absolutely no reason to play blind archery anymore.
- SELL RESULTS, NOT PROCEDURES: (Thanks to Perry Marshall for this one). For example, my wife’s been developing a web-video infomercial service for entrepreneurs. She really is among the best in the world at her craft… but the problem is, people don’t want infomercials, they want CUSTOMERS. So I’m helping her develop a model where the client simply covers her costs of production (usually just a few thousand dollars), and then they pay for phone calls and sales instead.
Now, no one’s invulnerable to the allure of the mountain top.
We all trudge ahead on our journeys despite the warnings and clear signs on the road.
Dreams are the stuff of life.. they make us human…
And nobody’s more prone to them than I, as evidenced by my lovely bug-meat story.
But above are the 5 most important warnings I want engraved on my tombstone for all the entrepreneurs that ever come visit me OK?
Onwards and Upwards,
Dr. Bugmeat
Coaching | Do it Yourself | Choosing Profitable Markets | Audio-Video Infomercials | Total Conversion Code
YouTube SEO Cheat Sheet
So, I recently did an interview with THE YouTube Maestro, Andy Frain…which not only has been getting rave reviews, but also got me listed on page one of Google for the term “ugly fat bastard” (you’ll have to listen to the interview to find out why… and I’m still on the first page).
Below you’ll find a CHEAT SHEET for optimizing YouTube videos, as well as a link back to the interview itself.
Enjoy! – Dr G
PS – Andy is looking for one or two more YouTube case studies to round out the portfolio before we start selling to larger companies. So if you’ve got some YouTube videos you’d like to get ranked in the top 3 for your moderately competitive keywords AND you’d be willing to serve as a case study in our promotional materials, speak up now or forever hold your… (Just send an email to youtube@videotrafficmasters.com)
2nd Most Unusual Jungle Marketing Idea Ever
(Of course, as you probably know, I’m also an affiliate, and you’ll be helping finance my “master plan” if you should buy anything after clicking and/or attending the FREE event)
My 6 Most Offensive Blog Posts
On Thursday, I woke up to a blog comment informing me that I had achieved a first page ranking for the term “ugly fat bastard”
Now it turns out this was actually good news (created by an enthusiastic reader sharing one of last week’s posts about YouTube SEO with some interesting anchor text based upon some self-deprecating humor I utilized in the MP3 on that post), but it brought up a good point for me…
It’s not my goal to be offensive…
But I’ve learned over the years that if I’m not WILLING to offend anyone, it’s extremely difficult to write or record ANYTHING worth talking about.
Thus I’ve got many posts with unusual titles, and hard hitting (though compassionate) straight talk within them. For example, you may have enjoyed (or been offended by) some of my more offensive posts:
- The Cockroach Conversion Secret
- Are You Willing to be Hated?
- Constipated Marketing Secrets
- I Am Ugly, So Very VERY Ugly
- It’s Better to Sweat in Training Than to Bleed in Battle
- The Strange Psychology of Money
Some people have even told me they were offended by posts I considered entirely innocuous, like “Marketing With Your Bald Spot“, “4 Things I No Longer Believe“, or “Human Nature and Your Marketing Mindset”
But here’s the point..
If I had NOT risked offending people… indeed if I had not deeply offended hundreds (if not thousands) of people, I would NOT be where I am today.
I wouldn’t have had the chance to deeply connect with the entrepreneurs who make my life as rich as it is.
I wouldn’t have gotten the feedback I needed to grow as a marketer (and as a person)…
I wouldn’t have been able to kick-start Rocket Clicks, build the hyper-responsive club, get my video seo agency going…
And instead of being a nerdy-geek-marketing-psychologist with thousands of customers and a brilliant audience for the hundreds of things he has to say each year–the good, the bad, AND the ugly…
I’d just be a nerdy geek.
Which is not to say that’s the end of the world (more power to geeks!)…
But how much richer is my life, for the simple willingness to risk offending you?
SO… Have I offended you yet?
Onwards and Upwards,
Dr. G
PS – This week, I decided to open up a few extra coaching slots now that I have completed the Total Conversion Code project. I’ve got 2 slots left, and my slightly-less-ugly counterpart Ryan has 2 as well. So please click here now to read about how you can get coached by a real ugly bastard with a damn strong track record of success.
